Wednesday, August 11, 2010

my 2 cents {on marriage}

"I never understood what people meant when they said "marriage is hard", however now that I've had a miniature little glimpse of whats ahead, I feel like I'm about to be hit with a tidal wave. [...]

With that said, anyone have any advice for me?
When you were engaged, was there anything that was really hard for you?
What about when you were newlyweds? What do you think is hardest about marriage?"

I remember getting so called 'cold feet' about 3 weeks before getting married. Its like when you're engaged you have blinders on and you think life is all rainbows and butterflies, and then when we sat down and talked about finances and schooling and real life I started worrying. All the sudden I realized life wasn't necessarily going to be any easier (I don't know why we always think life will be easier when...), and all the sudden I felt like I didn't know who this guy was that I was about to marry. It only lasted one night for me, though. The thought of not getting married was scarier to me that the thought of getting married and having real life hit me like a ton of bricks.

Then once again, after the honeymoon, I remember a particular night that I locked myself in my room and sobbed all the while thinking "what did I get myself into???" We just weren't connecting, I felt he didn't understand me and wasn't ever going to, and that we would never get along. Then I remembered that I loved him. Of course I know couples that have gotten divorced, and I know that in certain (unfortunate) situations it was for the best. Getting married is a huge leap of faith just like falling in love is. You have to be vulnerable and accept the fact that you might get hurt. Yes, there is a chance that you don't know EVERY single thing about this person like you thought you did and that can make things hard. We knew we loved eachother and would do anything for eachother, and when we keep God at the center of our marriage we are blessed. Not blessed meaning nothing bad ever happens to us (because TRUST me bad stuff happens to us all the time), but blessed in that our marriage only gets stronger. Through tough times or disagreements we still love each other and our love and commitment is made stronger afterwards. I don't think either of us knew exactly what we were getting into, or if it would be hard, but we KNEW that we worked well together. Marriage might be hard at times because that is what marriage is for! You don't get married to make things easier, you get married to learn and grow and mature, and you figure out what is important and what isn't. You learn so many things about each other and you have to learn how to let silly things go. Marriage is wonderful!

I think that if you KNOW that you love each other and want to be together forever, and you have prayed and received good feelings then you will be fine. If you are BOTH willing to work hard to understand each other, and do anything to make each other happy you will be fine. This might sound weird to some, but after the first year of really learning the best way to communicate with each other and how to not push each others buttons, marriage has been great and even easy. After you really know and understand each other, it's not marriage that's hard, it's life that's hard. Life is hard and being married and having a companion to lean on and support you through all the hard things is the best thing in the world! We CHOOSE to be happy. If we are ever just not happy or not feeling good then we TALK about it. You don't have to be mad at someone, you just need to let them understand that they hurt you and realize that they probably didn't know or didn't mean to. And the other person needs to be willing to learn from that, and if they truly love you then they probably wouldn't want to hurt you anymore. I love to do things to make Brady happy, and when I lose myself in doing those things, he surprises me by doing things to make me happy. I love him, and I love being married. Marriage has helped me grow into a better person. I've learned so much in these (almost 3) years, and being married to my man has brought me so much happiness and not a lot of stress. Life is stressful, marriage should not be. I know that we are blessed to have a such a good, happy, and yes even easy marriage, and for that I am extremely grateful.

the end.


Kris and Megan said...

well said taryn!!! you're right on in every point.

Leandra said...

Very well said. i hate it when people say WAIT to get married, it's so hard and you can never go back. Which is true, I'm not saying anyone should rush into marriage or that you should get married when you're 17, but I think if you know you love someone and you want to be with them, why wait. You're right life is hard whether you are married or not and marriage can bring you a sense of committment that you don't know otherwiese. And it's so nice to have someone to go through the hard times with.

BradyH said...

How did I get so lucky to get a girl like this?!!

mandy harline said...

Thanks for that. So true.

Anonymous said...

Beautifully written - I agree! Lots of love, good communication, no holding grudges, being best friends forever, and keeping God at the center of your marriage makes life a joyous affair - even in rough times! My "baby" girl is certainly all grown up - and you've done such a good job at it!
love, mom

Deanna said...

Atta girl, Taryn!! So well said. Someday I'm gonna actually experience what you're talking about hopefully haha :)