Thursday, September 5, 2013

Comparison

I came across this blog post a few of my friends on facebook posted, more or less about "mommy wars" (and fyi I am SO sick of that term. She doesn't even use it but its just the easiest way to explain what its about) and really why there shouldn't be any. I love it! I was thinking about posting something like this because a few weeks ago I came across a different post that was saying we have made parenting so much harder by having themed bday parties, doing elf on the shelf, putting kids in multiple sports, feeding kids organic foods, and using pinterest.

I thought and thought about this, mainly because I felt like it targeted me since I have thrown big themed parties for my kids. Does that make me a bad mom? Because I already thought I was a bad mom for not doing Elf on the Shelf at all, try as I might to feed my kids healthy foods it doesn't always happen, and countless other things that I feel completely insecure about like only breastfeeding for 3 and 6 months (respectively), not running marathons, not having a designer kids room, having a messy house, and barely finding time to shower 4 times a week. Honestly I see what the article is trying to say, but in the end it tells me that the one thing I'm only kind of good at doing is crap because it actually means I'm a bad Mom for spending time and money on something so frivolous. Thanks. I wasn't already insecure.


"I have friends who feel badly about giving up breast feeding early, about breastfeeding too long, about not being able to cook, about not being the stylish mom, and about being the mom that wants a break from her kids.  I have friends who feel guilty about sending their child to daycare, about not having the money to send their kid to camp, about not being athletic enough to coach their child’s soccer team.  I have friends who worry about not having a house out of Martha Stewart Living.  I have friends who feel like the frumpy mom, the single mom, the working mom, the stay at home mom, the mom that wore the wrong thing, the disorganized mom, the helicopter mom, the type A mom, the young mom, the old mom, THAT mom." 


And the thing about this is, we don't even need anyone else to make us feel that way. We already do it to ourselves. And now our worst fear has come to reality. People really are judging you. People really do think that you're a bad mom for not breastfeeding for two years, or a bad mom for breastfeeding for two years, or a bad mom for working, or on and on and on. And why do they think that? Because it makes them feel better about themselves. Thats the really sad part.

Read this article because I really like the message. There is some cussing so if that offends you be aware, and try to still read it because I like the over all message. Lets celebrate everyones strengths and stop comparing and putting others down. We all have different priorities and as long as we have GOOD reasons and pure intentions for why we do things the way we do them, its all good! Great even! We are all amazing! We all LOVE our kids and are trying to do what is best. We have to play to our own talents and strengths and just because mine are different than yours doesn't mean I'm a worse mom or you're a worse mom. No one can do it all %100 perfect. Some might come close and you should give them a pat on the back instead of trying to find where the holes are in their life. Not comparing is something I have to work on everyday, and I am. I love asking advice from my sisters who are all rockstars at breastfeeding, getting inspiration from friends who are amazing interior decorators,  and getting a kick in the bum to get off the couch from people who are running marathons! You'll be happier in the end to celebrate and be inspired by others rather than compare and put down. We all will.


9 comments:

The McBrides said...

so well said, thnak you taryn!

Megan said...

Even though I'm not a "mommy." I can so relate to this. Youre so great Taryn! And seeing you in hygiene school after just having Olivia was seriously amazing! You rock lady!

Carrie said...

LOVE THIS!! i can't stand the pressure sometimes and you're right, we totally do it to ourselves, but i think if we all started seeing the good in other moms and complimenting them for the things they're doing, rather than letting it make us feel 'less than', it would do a lot of good.

i've been wanting to comment for awhile but for some reason the comments wouldn't show up for me. i LOVE your new house and can't wait to come visit!

and i love the pics of the girls. cute little letti is getting so big and i love how big sister adores her so!

love you guys and miss you!!

taryn said...

Thanks Megan! You are such a sweetheart! That's why I don't like the term "mommy wars" because it definitely applies to everyone.

taryn said...

Thanks Care! I have been having trouble commenting with blogger lately too. Even on my own! Love you guys!

taryn said...

Thanks Whitney!

Laura Beth said...

Love this post. I don't know the mom feelings but I know insecure ones. From what I see in these little glimpses of your life you are a fantastic mom. You love your kids, you take care of them and you are an example of a beautiful, good valued woman. I always wish I live closer to have some Taryn goodness in my life!

Michelle Albright-Peters said...

Thanks so much for sharing my post.

I too absolutely hate the term mommy war. Really when I wrote it, it wasn't about that at all. It was about women seeing that everyone around them seemingly have it all together and yet failing to see all of the amazing things in herself. I want parents to recognize all of the things they're doing right for our children (and ourselves) rather than dwelling on what we're lacking. I'm so glad that you got that.

taryn said...

Michelle! Thank YOU for your post! You are amazing I just loved reading it. I was feeling down, as I mentioned, and this had been on my mind. Thanks for restoring my faith that there are people out there who will choose to see the good in others!